Wednesday, August 9, 2017

Fire and Fury: Live Every Wednesday Like It's Your Last

Further to yesterday's post, you'll be pleased (or perhaps disappointed) to learn that both my wheels:


And my saddle:


Were still there after hours of sitting unattended in midtown Manhattan.

This could mean that both the Abus NutFix and the Hiplok Z LOK provided ample anti-theft protection, or of course it could just mean that the thieves were distracted by other far more attractive bikes in the area:


That bike looks like it has a mustache:


I did, however, return to my bike to find a note on it.  "I hope your ride back," it began suggestively...


...sucks?  ...is horrible?  ...ends in tears?

...results in a saddle sore the severity of which defies medical science and necessitates the consumption of an entire bottle of Floyd's of Leadville CBD Hemp Oil?


My fingers trembled with anticipation as I unfurled the note, only to find that it contained nothing but well-wishings:


What can I say?  Some think the glass is half-empty, others think it's half-full, and I think the glass contains a deadly admixture of sulfuric acid, spider venom, and Mario Cipollini's crotch sweat.

Assume the worst and you'll never be disappointed.

Anyway, the ride back did go well thankyouvermuch, and I even had time for a quick stop:


To pick up some kale:


What, you got a problem with salad?

I didn't think so.

Best of all, I didn't get caught up in any violent altercations:



I seem to recall reading somewhere that the driver got impatient and tried to make his way through a large group of cyclists who had "corked" an intersection, and while I in no way advocate violence, at the same time fuck him.

Sometimes you just need to wait a couple of minutes.

Lastly, the Colorado Classic is about to begin (in Colorado somewhere I'm assuming):


And it's shaping up to be a Fred-tastic freakout complete with food fairs, flea markets, and even a musical concert featuring music bands who play music and everything:


I am simultaneously too young and too old to be into any of these bands, but presumably these people aren't:


Actually I'm sure those people would go "Whooo!!!" no matter where you stuck them: a bike race, the line at the bank, the emergency room, you name it...


Because they are assholes.

41 comments:

Jasper said...

Early doors

weasel said...

twosday was yesterday

N/A said...

I bet VSK checked out your nuts.

bieks said...

There's one side to every story.

bieks said...

Victor skipped the podium and jumped straight into the blog. Is that like 0th?

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...

In the Sixus! And with reading it first too !!

vsk

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk, wasting precious bytes, further said ...

I was being papparazzi without the whole Nikon in your face thing.

I don't think I'm in shape enough rt now to drive to the start of a FonDon't. So glad to have good timing on one thing. Had the classic camera Fred airliner passing in front of the full moon last night. No time... Saw it in the view finder while focusing. No podio there.

It's better to be trapped behind a gang of Vespas, you can't see nor breathe in the blue smoke cloud...

vsk

Drock said...

Death to death cab for cutie, horse poo music, love the big CO. However.

McFly said...

I like Jeff Tweedy [Wilco], check him out.

Anonymous said...

Jayhawks suck! I've seen many, many really boring bands, but these guys take the cake.

JLRB said...

Post it notes = old school tweets

Anonymous said...

my commuter I use one abus chain lock and so far so good. Kind of surprised it hasn't been stolen yet.

Chazu said...

You know you're loved when you have at least one stalker.

Freddy Murcks said...

Regarding the excitement of Colorado's concert goers, let's not for get the effects of legal weed. Weed generally makes live music more enjoyable. The concerts that I have been to recently have been a veritable 420 fest - and while I live in Utah, it would appear that the kids are getting their pre-rolled joints from Colorado.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

My goodness! Check out the legs/mini skirt at 0:40.

Glad your wheels didn't get pilfered.

Grump said...

When anyone hands me a glass with stuff in it, I always check it to see if it's half full of ground glass.

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Read it and still top twenty? Scranus!

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Speaking of Fire and Fury...

When you walk through the garden
You gotta watch your back
Well I beg your pardon
Walk the straight and narrow track
If you walk with Jesus
He's gonna save your soul
You gotta keep the devil
Way down in the hole

He's got the fire and the fury
At his command
Well you don't have to worry
If you hold on to Jesus hand
We'll all be safe from Satan
When the thunder rolls
We just gotta help me keep the devil
Way down in the hole







All the angels sing about Jesus' mighty sword
And they'll shield you with their wings
And keep you close to the lord
Don't pay heed to temptation
For his hands are so cold
You gotta help me keep the devil
Way down in the hole

Down in the hole, down in the hole
Down in the hole, down in the hole
Down in the hole, down in the hole
You gotta help me keep the devil
Down in the hole

Anonymous said...

Pro tip: If you stir coconut oil into your kale, it makes it easier to scrape it into the trash

sTONEdEADLAND said...

Lt. Obliv, you catch Phish busting that one out in MSG the other night?

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

sTONE dEADLAND, no I'm an alter kocker and was being disappointed by Amos Lee at the Capitol Theatre in Port Chester Saturday night covering Hall & Oates, Marvin Gaye and The Grateful Dead instead of singing any of his own songs that I actually know!

McFly said...

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Sharon Tay now I'm in the mood for some Asain.

[That's a racial and sexual slur rolled into one kids]

Anonymous said...

CBSLA Sharon Tay.....yummy.

1904 Cadardi said...

Just read (on a different and not nearly as amusing bikey blog) that the drummer for Saint Motel, appearing at that bikey race here in the Colorado stateway is a avid cyclist and brings a bike with him while touring to stay sane. "Living both dreams" he said. So that's kinda cool.

Cipo says you misaunderstand do nota said...

It actually said "I hope to ride your back"

Anonymous said...

there is at least one side to every story?

Dr. Strangelove said...

The Donald is threatening to unleash Death Cab for Cutie on Kim Jong-un.

dancesonpedals said...

Maybe soften them up with some Hootie and the blowfish

bad boy of the south said...

Maybe the yamster meant he's gonna fire someone and give them a Plymouth Fury.

The King of Park Slope said...

ASSH OLES

Old Timer said...

Huh? What?

Arizona hillbilly said...

Those aren't Colorado assholes,no white sunglasses.
Oh,and COD to anonymous 2:17

Die free said...

Did I make the cutoff time?

Swiss vegan cheese said...

Chuck Thompson has sth against kale in his piece "Defending the Honor of America’s Most Disparaged Vegetable". Google it.

Anonymous said...

Hey BikeSnob, I just got a Marin Pine Mountain. So, you know, we're like "bros". We should hang out. Can I crash on your couch next time I'm in New York? BTW, how did you stop the rear gear cable from rubbing against the chain ring? I use electric tape but its ugly. Shouldn't happen in the first place.

JLRB said...

headset-shock-absorbed crabon scranus

dancesonpedals said...

anonymous-

try ducktape....available in many colors/patterns and much more attractive

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 10:40am

Absolutely no you cannot crash on my couch, but I'll totally ride with you.

I haven't had any issues with the cable rubbing against the chainring. I think maybe there's a zip tie there, but I'll have to look at it more closely next time I'm on it.

--Wildcat Etc.

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